Monday, April 23, 2007

Bite of the Banana

Admittedly, I was bored when I decided to google-image "penis"the other day. (Alright, truth be told, I really wanted to remember what one looked like.)

While Photo #1 was a young, healthy, very strongly erecting human specimen
(....oh, sigh, I remember when..... ),

Photo # 5 was this curious embriotic yin/yang
(Turns out the page was on moderate-safe search. The other images on the first page were neither sexy or sweet-- to my tastes-- but, go ahead and look, google images change frequently; one never knows what might show up next.)

This ever-so cuddly banana slug pair is hermaphroditic, and their dual genitals are located just below their heads.

But kiss-kiss and mirrored-penetration are not the only thing this convenient oral-penal-vaginal positioning allows. Seems there's a little bit of aggresive "sexual conflict" -- a survival of the fittest progeny competition, perhaps -- because part of their luvvy-duvvy includes biting off at least one of their penises -that's right- it's non existant for a full year, or maybe forever.

If that's not enough to shock your manhood into protective mode, the doctoral student who studies them caught one slug doing solitaire--biting its own erect penis off.

Moral of the story -- don't get your head too close to your other head? Or make sure you AND your mate eat BEFORE you play? Dr. Tatianna might have an answer for slug and human alike.

Now, I don't tend to eat slugs, the banana variety, their cousins, or even those aphrodisiac giving escargot, but I do happen to really like bananas; I eat them usually daily. And in times like these, when it's been a while since I've had sex, peeling a banana, readying for my first bite, sometimes conjurs imageries that prompt my tongue's exercixe. (I've tried cucumbers, too, unsucessfully, for another kind of tactile quiz).

The feel of banana girth and firmness isn't quite the same as an arduous lover's, but it manages to make my tongue almost as satisfied, swirling around the pale yellow shaft like it's a soft vanilla ice cream cone. I deep-throat, of couse (reminder--they do come in different curves and sizes) and then devour the rest-- of the banana, that is, but never, ever have I eaten the peel, even if I would've washed it first, as I heard a recent safe-eating expert advice, so the germs from the outside don't slip into the inside. (Does licking the pulpy inside count?)

But according to a whole other kind of expert, there's now more reason we shouldn't only be washing, but placing those synthetic covered peels on our human bananas, if we choose to indulge at all. In Philadelphia and Southern California--gee, the two cities I live most at-- drug resistant gonorrhea seems to be all the rage, jumping 25% in Philly and 13% in Southern California over the past 2 years. Those of you in other parts of the country aren't far behind -- what happens in Vegas won't be staying there...

I've had my own share of scares and horrors, including scabies and crabs from a Rosarita Beach hotel bed during college spring break-- go UCLA-- and most gynecologists will tell you, if you're not a virgin sleeping with a virgin, you've shared more than you thought with those you've enjoyed.

Like other body parts, often our sexual organs quietly heal (or battle the invading germs) before we know we encountered something. But as a long-time condom-hating woman, this new scare nudges the come-back possibilities for Naked Gun style-lingerie.

Moral of this part of the story---sheathe up, don't clap?

image copyrights--
banana slug s © 2004 ,see website above;
condom banana © Andrew Taylor


Anonymous said...

The epidemiologists are right, damn it.

But so are you, in times like these, when it's been a while.

And so am I, like Prufrock,
should I dare to eat a peach.

Desert Rat said...

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

I don't know why your shaking - she's going to eat me!

Bananas are good for you.

Gibbs said...

I think "desert rat" is right :)